August 2012
111 posts
Iron Man Rifftrax
[The guys comment on Tony's appearance while he's being interviewed by a Vanity Fair reporter]
Mike Nelson: Glasses from the "I-own-a-dirty-book-shop" collection.
. . .
Bill Corbett: Beard and mustache from the "Guy-who-makes-lewd-comments-about-his-own-nieces" collection of beards and mustaches.
. . .
Kevin Murphy: Slicked back hair from the "Brother-in-law-who-threw-up-at-your-daughter's-first-communion-party" line of slicked back hair.
[Rhodey is seen waiting for Tony at the top of a mobile set of stairs to Tony's private jet]
Rhodey: What's wrong whichou?
Kevin Murphy [as Rhodey]: Do you know how hard it is up here for a pimp?
[While escaping from the terrorist base, Tony Stark sets off a massive explosion that engulfs the base]
Kevin Murphy: And Iron Man is clearly dead. It was a short superhero movie, but an unusually honest one, in that it acknowledged the impossibility of a man surviving... [Stark flies out of the explosion] ...oh, damn.
[Stark falls from the sky and crashes hard into the desert]
Kevin Murphy: Ah, I take it back: Iron Man is dead, and I commend this movie for its unflinching honesty. After all, the mere donning of a metal suit would do little to protect someone from free-falling hundreds of feet... [We see Stark is fine] ...oh, what's the use?!
[Tony finishes his first successful test of his suit's rocket boots, which includes recording it on video]
Tony: Yeah, I can fly.
Kevin Murphy [as Tony]: Now to post this monumental video on Youtube so 12-year-olds can call me a gaywad!
. . .
[Next, as his first full suit makes all kinds of pre-flight adjustments...]
Mike Nelson: You know, if you pick up your TV right now and shake it like you're trying to erase an Etch A Sketch, you can then tell people you've seen Transformers.
[While Stark is testing his suit]
Tony Stark: Records are made to be broken!
Kevin Murphy: Yes, like the record for shortest interval between superhero origin and death.
[Stark looks at his original arc reactor, placed in a glass case by Pepper Potts with the label, "Proof that Tony Stark Has a Heart"]
Bill Corbett: He's terrified that "Proof that Tony Stark Had a Penis" is next in the series.
[Iron Man begins ridding the town of Gulmira of Ten Rings terrorists]
Bill Corbett [as Iron Man]: Give me a reason not to smite thee!
Kevin Murphy [as a civilian, off-camera]: I'm being held captive here against my will!
Bill Corbett [as Iron Man, while he destroys a missile launcher]: Can't hear you -- smiting!
iwouldnttradethemoon asked: 10.
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1. Do you ever get that not-so-fresh-feeling?
2. Seriously though, what do you think about Batman?
3. Pants are overrated, right?
4. Not a question, but damn, your hair looks good today!
5. When did you lose your virginity?
6. Did you cry?
7. Was it because of your poor choices, or your performance?
8. Oh, yeah? Wow.
9. What will your coffin be like?
10. List...
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