Iron Man Rifftrax
[The guys comment on Tony's appearance while he's being interviewed by a Vanity Fair reporter]
Mike Nelson: Glasses from the "I-own-a-dirty-book-shop" collection.
. . .
Bill Corbett: Beard and mustache from the "Guy-who-makes-lewd-comments-about-his-own-nieces" collection of beards and mustaches.
. . .
Kevin Murphy: Slicked back hair from the "Brother-in-law-who-threw-up-at-your-daughter's-first-communion-party" line of slicked back hair.
[Rhodey is seen waiting for Tony at the top of a mobile set of stairs to Tony's private jet]
Rhodey: What's wrong whichou?
Kevin Murphy [as Rhodey]: Do you know how hard it is up here for a pimp?
[While escaping from the terrorist base, Tony Stark sets off a massive explosion that engulfs the base]
Kevin Murphy: And Iron Man is clearly dead. It was a short superhero movie, but an unusually honest one, in that it acknowledged the impossibility of a man surviving... [Stark flies out of the explosion] ...oh, damn.
[Stark falls from the sky and crashes hard into the desert]
Kevin Murphy: Ah, I take it back: Iron Man is dead, and I commend this movie for its unflinching honesty. After all, the mere donning of a metal suit would do little to protect someone from free-falling hundreds of feet... [We see Stark is fine] ...oh, what's the use?!
[Tony finishes his first successful test of his suit's rocket boots, which includes recording it on video]
Tony: Yeah, I can fly.
Kevin Murphy [as Tony]: Now to post this monumental video on Youtube so 12-year-olds can call me a gaywad!
. . .
[Next, as his first full suit makes all kinds of pre-flight adjustments...]
Mike Nelson: You know, if you pick up your TV right now and shake it like you're trying to erase an Etch A Sketch, you can then tell people you've seen Transformers.
[While Stark is testing his suit]
Tony Stark: Records are made to be broken!
Kevin Murphy: Yes, like the record for shortest interval between superhero origin and death.
[Stark looks at his original arc reactor, placed in a glass case by Pepper Potts with the label, "Proof that Tony Stark Has a Heart"]
Bill Corbett: He's terrified that "Proof that Tony Stark Had a Penis" is next in the series.
[Iron Man begins ridding the town of Gulmira of Ten Rings terrorists]
Bill Corbett [as Iron Man]: Give me a reason not to smite thee!
Kevin Murphy [as a civilian, off-camera]: I'm being held captive here against my will!
Bill Corbett [as Iron Man, while he destroys a missile launcher]: Can't hear you -- smiting!
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